Replay perfection

The last time my laptop crashed, I decided not to install any music downloading software. This was a pretty painful decision, since I used to listen to music constantly, but it seems to have helped with keeping my laptop going (that, and a fan I bought to put underneath). So I've been relying on youtube whenever I get the itch to listen to music; I find a song and usually play it on repeat for about an hour (it drives Keith CRAZY). But this song sums up my attitude these days perfectly; it started playing and I spontaneously started singing along to it.



Go on, have a listen - I dare you not to sing along too!

(Not-So) Wordless Wednesday

• Found out via Facebook that Tim Wojna's killer was found guilty. Relieved doesn't even begin to cover the array of emotions I'm feeling right now. Mostly, I just miss him.
• I beat my weight-loss goal this week by a pound. Total loss over five months? 35 pounds. Go me!
• Just went to put my laundry in. Kay, in our laundrymat, we have two double load front-loaders, and the rest are just regular old washers. Both were clearly showing they had two dollars owing to them to make them work - so I start loading one up. Naturally. And then this old lady with an incredibly thick accent comes over and quite loudly says "I PUT MONEY IN THAT, THAT'S MINE!" No, no you didn't, lady, it says - 2.00$. If you put money in it, it wouldn't say that. Asshat.
• My mother arrives this afternoon. Hilariousness will ensure, I am sure. /sarcasm.
• The elevator smells like hot garbage.
• I'm effing hungry. And lazy. Someone come make me lunch. Or buy. I'm not picky.
• Sigh.

Rewards

For the past eight weeks, I've been a standstill, weight-wise. I'd lose up to 2.5 pounds just to gain it all back the following week. Lose, gain. Lose, gain. Part of that was going back onto food, and owing the gym 226$ (since fixed and now going semi-regularly), but now it's mostly just fustration and lack of motivation from the lack of success. I realize I need some concrete goals tied to when I hit specific amounts of weight, so I've been thinking -

On Tuesday, if I lose what I gained last week, plus another half pound (2.5 to be exact), I get new headphones for my mp3 player.

When I reach 270, I'll treat myself to a mani/pedi.

Reach 240, and I will get my hair professionally cut, dyed/highlighted, blown-out, etc. etc.

Reach 200/180, and I will treat myself to Lululemon pants. I'm kinda drooling right now thinking about them, to be honest! (The reason for 200/180 is that I'm not sure I'll actually FIT into Lululemon pants at 200, so we'll see.)

Reach 150 and I will get my make-up professionally done and learn how to take care of my skin and do my makeup properly. Also will invest in some quality makeup/skin care stuff, as well as contact lenses.

And when I reach my goal weight, which is around 140 to 135, OR if I maintain 150 successfully and happily for 6 months, then I'll buy myself a violin. And lessons for 6 to 12 months, depending on cost. (I have no idea what my 'ideal' weight is because I've been heavy for so fricking long; it might be 150, it might be 135, or it might be anywhere in between - I won't know until I get there, really. )

I'm also giving myself around 14-15 months to complete this, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I'm not 135 by that time. As long as I'm working towards the end goal, if October 2010 rolls around and I'm higher than that, I won't really give a shit. The main reason for that is I want to be as close to my "ideal/goal" weight as possible when it's time to go dress shopping (and I don't think I need to get into all the reasons for that line of thinking, I'm pretty sure you can figure it out), but pffft. Dress shopping can be pushed back a month or two (or six).

I like that pretty much all these rewards have something to do with making myself look better. I haven't liked how I've looked for a really long time now and I think by celebrating my new self by improving other cosmetic aspects (hair, nails, pants that make your ass look delectable) is such a great thing to do. And, as I move from student into young professional, probably necessary as well. The violin thing is because I've wanted one for a long time and I miss playing so much that I think it should be my end goal.

So what do you think? If you're on the weight-loss train, what goals have you set for yourself that work? Have you achieved any of them?

Why do these things exist? WHY?

Cleaning out the second bedroom has yielded some treasures, let me tell you.

Treasures like this book;

Why! That sounds promising, let's just open it up and take a gander, shall we?

Cripes! First off, who's bright idea was it to stick random roses on that girls dress? Did they think it would make it look better??! And secondly, ANYONE who makes someone wear something that hideous to be a part of their wedding party SHOULD BE SHOT. No questions asked. Seriously. That is the mother of all butt-bows, that is. Yuech.

And then there's this gem:

Seriously, Keith? SERIOUSLY? I can't believe you spent money on this. And if you got it for free, I'd re-think your friendship with them. Whoever gave it to you needs their lobotomy reversed.

But the best one is a board game (and I use that term very, very, very loosely here) called French Kiss. Check what's written on the back:

Be prepared for the sexual act? Your sexuality will be in extasy? What.The.Hell?? First off, ecstasy is spelled wrong, and um, be prepared for the sexual act??? I'm surprised the game didn't come with a sheath of condoms.

And then you open the baby up, and WOW, IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON! Nice celebrity endorsement there, although anything endorsed by him should have normal people running for the hills, in my opinion. And he's next to an .... ostrich?! Wha? What do ostriches have to with ANY part of the "sexual act"? Unless you're into that sort of thing, and in that case I think you should be looking in the yellow pages for a licensed therapist, not playing an "erotic" boardgame. Just sayin'.

And I don't know about you guys, but a random coloured strip of practically naked baby cherubs dancing around does NOT do it for me. What a horribly inappropriate thing to have on something like this!! WHAT CRACK ARE THESE GAME DESIGNERS SMOKING???

Needless to say, all the items mentioned above WILL be donated to poor unlucky Value Village sometime in the near future. Even if Keith wants to keep them. There is absolutely no effing way I am having them in the house. NO EFFING WAY.

In which I talk about an issue you're supposed to pretend doesn't exist -

Money.

Ugh. Even the word is making me cringe. We're in that awful last month, where my student loans are so tantalizingly close to being disbursed and all the money from the last student loan is gone. The part-time job I got three weeks ago is a huge help in keeping us afloat right now but we're still definitely feeling the squeeze.

Case in point; within the next two pays, we have to find the money to pay for Keith's part-time course for the fall semester. These courses aren't cheap! Five hundred and some change a pop. Geesh. However, it's a super necessary expense, absolutely non-negotiable. Five hundred has to be found, and paid, and that's it.

Ideally it would be the next pay, but the next pay is technically rent. You know how they say your housing costs should not be more than 30% of your net income? Yeah. Right. Excuse me while I laugh. We don't live outside our means; we just don't make enough. I go to school full-time and work part-time, Keith works full-time and goes to school part-time. There's not much else we can do. (And I am, in NO way, saying we live in a fancy place. We don't. We actually live surrounded by a pretty bad area of town; our "pocket" is nice, but that's it. Renting in Ottawa is INCREDIBLY expensive.)

Add to the mix that paydays are wonky for the next little bit - as in, next payday is August 21st. Rent? Due Sept 1st. Payday after that? You guessed it. The fourth. Sigh. OF COURSE. And the fact that we're in a loop for payday loans right now adds to the stress.

On the 21st, we will not be paying rent. We will write a self-cheque for the amount on the 30th, put it in the bank account, and keep writing cheques until the payday on the 4th. On the 21st, we will be paying back the payday loan, the gym cheque, Keith's course, some groceries, and gas money for Keith's parents. That's all we can afford right now. The Rogers bill will go unpaid, as much as I hate doing that. Oh well. There's really nothing you can do if you don't have the money.

We can't afford to even go to the movies, or dinner out, because if we do, then we're scrambling for money for the next three pays. Yes, we go on "vacations" and trips home (and in all honesty, I've been home twice with Keith, 2 weekend-trips, and one week-long one. In a year and a half), but those are carefully planned, budgeted excursions. I think you'd all agree everyone deserves a little R&R. So please, no judgment.

It absolutely SUCKS living like this. I won't lie; the big draw to me to start working in a professional career when I graduate as opposed to going to University for another 3 years is the money. I'm so tired of struggling. I dream of the day we can pay bills and rent with ease. I dream of the day we can look at our bank accounts and have money left over for saving. I dream of the day we don't have to resort to a payday loan, cheques don't bounce, and we don't have to resort to writing ourselves cheques to cover rent.

Sigh. It'll get better; it has to. Some day.

Frozen boobies will occur

The past few days I've been feeling the cleaning bug and getting a few apartment projects that I've been wanting/needing to do since I first moved in. A year ago.

I finally got tired of waiting around for Keith to feel it too and decided I would think of myself as "single" in order to get these projects done. As in, if I lived alone, these would be done already, so stop waiting on the other half to help. That sounded a lot worse than I intended it to, but sometimes that mentality helps. It sure does in this case.

Basically there are three things that need to get done; cleaning out the hall closet, cleaning and re-organizing what we affectionately call "The second bedroom", and putting the damn shelves up.

I cleaned out the hall closet yesterday and donated a whole black garbage bag of jackets, mitts/scarves/toques and other assorted items that were left over from K's ex. I was expecting it to be a whole lot worse than it was; it turned out to be a quick hour (or two) job. I don't even know why I waited a full year to even look at it. And now it's all organized and cleaned and PRETTY.

The second bedroom is a bit more of a challenge; its probably going to take me two or three days to get it done - really it's an onsite storage closet that has served as a catch-all for EVERYTHING over the years. There's a small freezer in there as well as a couple of deep wall shelves and two shelving units with doors with floor space left over, but we have so much on the floor that you can't really use any of the storage stuff. The shelving units used to be used as extra pantry space, but honestly? There's candy in there thats 4 years old. (Aside: Does anyone know if canned spaghetti sauce goes bad? Gatorade?) The freezer runs off the lightswitch; guess who turned out the lightswitch for months unknowingly? Yeah. NOT looking forward to opening that baby up and seeing the damage.

And then there's just STUFF. STUFF that's piled to the ceiling and Keith hasn't used in years and just really needs to be thrown out/donated. Am expecting some resistance to this, because Keith, as it turns out, is a fucking pack-rat. Doesn't want to throw out ANYTHING. Even if he hasn't used in the 2 years I've known him, and I can't see a situation where he would, ever, HE WILL NOT PART WITH IT. Which explains why I'm facing this predicament right now, doesn't it?

The shelves. Ah, the shelves. The f%&@king shelves. A YEAR AGO, I said, let's take them down. A YEAR AGO, I said, lets spray paint them red. And then winter happened. And I said, let's do a second coat. IN MAY.
They are now sitting in my living room, have been since JUNE, and they are mocking me in all their reddish glory. They need to be put up, they need to be put up NOW. And then I will ignore them for the rest of existence (or until we move).

Oh, TMI, but it has to be said: Do not lean over to reach the bottom of the freezer (which, incidentally, has a giant candy cane stuck to the bottom - those don't go bad, do they?) while not wearing a shirt. Frozen boobies will occur.

Who DOES that?

Who has class at 10am every single Thursday for four months, and yet on the last Thursday of the semester (on which day they had to be the judge in a mock trial presentation) thinks class starts at noon?

WHO DOES THAT!? WHO?

Me, apparently.

My idiocy astounds me sometimes. I don't even understand where the "class starts at noon today" thought came from - as I said before, it's been ten am EVERY SINGLE THURSDAY. FOR FOUR MONTHS. And yet, suddenly, I thought today started at noon. FOR SOME UNEXPLAINABLE REASON.

This is just proof I will NEVER work in a civil law firm. I am a flake. An incredibly unreliable flake. I feel so incredibly stupid - and rightly so. I don't even really want to tell my teammates the reason I missed the presentation today, because the excuse is just that lame. Seriously. "The dog ate my homework" is a better excuse than, "I am incredibly stupid and flaky and I totally blanked on when class starts even though its been THE SAME TIME EVERY SINGLE THURSDAY FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS."

SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?