FML

I really hate life sometimes.

First, I worked so hard over the last year to bring my average up to be admitted to Carleton.

Ended up only being a 2.85.
(Fyi: GPA was wrong, 2.85 is the readjusted average)

Was denied.

Then, wrote a pretty kick ass letter advocating why I should be admitted.

That worked.

The next logical step was to apply for OSAP.

I got a letter. Saying I owed them 3410$ because of ...well, I'm not quite sure. And any attempts to reach OSAP over the last few days have resulted in being on hold for hours or else a straight out busy signal.

HOW the HELL am I going to come up with that kind of money by September? When I'm not working? If I can't get finances, I can't go.

I've never wanted Conan O'Brien to follow me on twitter more than I do right now.

Heart

I have a confession to make: I take off my engagement ring to do dishes.

I know I know, I broke the #1 rule of engaged chicks: NEVER TAKE THE RING OFF(!!!).

Sometimes it's days before I remember to put it back on....but sometimes? Keith finds it, brings it to me and puts it on my finger.

And OH. That feeling when he does?

It's like I said yes all over again.

All edumacated!

Last night was my graduation ceremony. I'm officially a college graduate!


Unfortunately, all the pictures that Keith took during the ceremony turned out super blurry. I honestly look like I have two heads mashed together in one. Am so disappointed....and need a better camera, obviously.

But! It was a cute ceremony and I don't regret going. My mom, sister, her boyfriend, Harry & Keith all came with me and supported me...walking that stage is NERVE-WRACKING. Omg.

but OH! Best part - as people were walking across the stage a bunch of people got huge woops and cheers and some people didn't (we were supposed to hold all applause til the end). And you know, you want to be in the former category, because how lame is that?

AND I WAS. I've NEVER had that happen before! A bunch of people in the audience cheered and Becky's boyfriend let out a big loud "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SARAH!" Made my night!

This morning Mom & I are going out to Cora's for breakfast and then going to Carleton to meet with the student disability centre as well as dropping off my OSAP documentation. Onward to the next challenge in life!

Ex-boyfriend

Do you remember my ex-boyfriend from high school? The one that I dated for 7 months in Grade 10, went to prom with, found out later that he had a ring in his pocket but never asked? That one?

Found out on Monday he actually got married about a year ago.

We were surprisingly innocent in our dating. He was no pre-martial sex, and I had lost the v-card before him but was totally iffy on the whole doing-it-again thing. Besides, I was carrying around a whole bunch of guilt from that encounter, because hey, I'm Catholic, and its a little something we're known for.

So we groped and kissed, and that was pretty much it. But I still got to get acquainted with his - ahem - you know.

And I would say "I love you" and mean it and talk about our future and everything, but in the back of my mind would think : I hope we never get married BECAUSE I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOUR TINY PENIS for the rest of my life!

(Yes, I was terribly shallow when I was 16).

(And terribly practical).

And while I wish them all the best and everything - still.

TINY PENIS.

Will always be.

Dear Mom;

It's your birthday today. The first birthday you won't turn a year older.

We all miss you. A lot. We miss your voice, your caring compassion, your frequent laugh. We miss the funny faces you'd pull, your joy for life, your joy for your family, for us. I think of you daily, still, most often just before falling into sleep.

I hope you're doing okay, whenever you are. I like to think of you as being in each tree leaf, each blade of grass, every raindrop; in the very molecules of air we breathe.

That way, whenever I take a breath, you're right there with me. Forever and for always.

x0x,
Sarah

Love you forever.

She's my baby sister. I protect her, worry about her, love her fiercely and give her advice if she needs it (and sometimes when she doesn't!).

She is so beautiful it makes your heart ache, not just physical beauty, but everything she encompasses within her being.

She's fantastically quirky - she used to believe she could talk to bees and run around on her hands and knees pretending to be a horse (neighs included!). She has a natural affinity for animals; she plans on becoming vet assistant with a grooming business on the side. In grade 9 she took up riding for awhile and I've always been in awe of her natural ability and ease in that pursuit. In grade 10 she took up competitive swimming and excelled in it; she made it to WOSSA & Regionals. She spent a year in Brazil on Rotary Exchange for grade 11 and is still fluent in Portuguese. She's funny, smart, caring, sporty, a goofball, fun-loving, and nothing short of amazing. She's done so much and she's only turning 21.

Growing up, it was just her and me for long stretches. Our older brother is 9 years older than I am, and he moved out at 17. From the time she was 6, it's just been me and her. We moved a lot when we were younger - and then when my parents split up we got to spend 6 weeks of the summer, just her and I, with my dad.

We had the worst case of sibling rivalry, way beyond what could be considered normal. We both competed for our mom's attention, while perceiving the other as the winner. I thought it damaged us beyond fixing, but I am so blessed to have her in my life now, living in the same city as I. It's afforded us the opportunity to build a relationship as adults, something I recognize as a rare opportunity to be granted a second chance.

When she moved down here, I was reminded, once again - that no matter what happens in life, your family is yours. And your history together is special and unique, and whatever happens and whomever you decide to share your life with, nothing can change that. We will always be sisters, and now I hope we shall always be friends.

Anastasis

Remember when I was bemoaning the fact that everything was just so far away, it'll never happen, waaaaaaaaaah?

Like all things on a timeline - it simultaneously feels like it passed by in a blink of an eye while also seemingly took forever.

A really long blink of an eye, in other words. In super slo-mo, if you will. But I like the way Amber over at Girl with the Red Hair looks at it - it seems SO CLOSE when you look at it this way:

Next week: Thursday is my college graduation ceremony. Irrationally I am worried about tripping as I walk across the stage. I'm not even wearing heels.

Next month: Is finally - FINALLY - my surgery. It's compounded by the fact that I actually start on a high protein, low calorie meal replacement June 26th to shrink my liver before surgery, and June 22, 25 & 29 I have doctors appointments - the 25th is a 4 hour long class on the lifestyle I'll have to maintain after surgery, and I also have to fit in an EKG & bloodwork within those two weeks. Yikes! That's a ton of doctors appointments, yo.

Next year: As you already know, I got into Carleton!! (Still can't say that without squeeing, sorry). I also received an entrance bursary to be put towards my tuition - less debt at this point is always a good thing. I'm sure it'll be filled with amazing opportunities - not to mention I'll be adjusting to life after surgery and losing weight rapidly each month. My FYSM group is going to think I'm sick or something. Oh well. I can't decide on a minor - and in my typical fashion I want to overload myself as much as possible. Double major with a mention francais AND co-op option? WHY YES, DON'T MIND IF I DO. Eeeek.

So what are you looking forward to - next week, next month & over the coming year?

Little sis all growned up!

We celebrated my sisters' birthday a few days early yesterday. Her wish was to take both puppies to Conroy Pit & then have KFC and DQ ice cream cake for a late lunch afterwards. (Her birthday is this Saturday, she turns 21!).

So we granted her request:

Happy Birthday sis!

Wishing you nothing but the best for the year to come!

Drumroll ....

Ahem!

I GOT INTO CARLETON!!!

After hearing that I was denied, I submitted a letter of appeal - pointing out that before my learning disability was diagnosed, I either failed or got D's and C's. After? A's and B's.

IT EFFING WORKED! Carleton has offered me a spot in the BA General Law program for fall 2010! I am beyond excited right now.

A few caveats: I can apply for Honours once I have successfully completed courses at Carleton with Honours standing (whatever that means, I'm sure I'll figure it out), I do not qualify for transfer credits (I didn't expect to), and I have to register with the disability center on campus (expected that).

Now please excuse me while I go jump and dance around my apartment like a maniac. YAY!!!

Love, me.

Dear tenants in the apartment slightly up and across the hall:

The hallway is not a playground. Please send your children to the actual playground provided right next to our apartment building.

Much appreciated;
Your neighbours.

Dear Molly;

YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PUPPY!!! You make your mommy and daddy so incredibly proud when we go to the off-leash dog park and you stick close and listen. I am so grateful that you play nicely with the other dogs and come when called. I love how you grin when you see Grandpa's car & sit so nicely. Grandpa appreciates the walk and the company too. Thanks pretty girl. You rock.

Love,
Momma.

Dear humidity:

You suck. Stop it.

Someone who hates you immensely;
Sarah

Sex & The City 2: Yams are high in natural estrogen.

Sex and the City was good.

Not great. Just, good. A solid B to B+.

Cons:
- The "opulence" factor was just way too over the top. For instance, each girl got her own car while in Abu Dhabi, and I actually winced and thought "omg, environment."
- Miranda didn't get her own storyline, which is a shame, because she's my favourite. I realize she was more of a supporting character to Charlotte's struggles, but still. It would have been nice to see.
-The scene at the end with the Abu Dhabi girls was just weird and was totally unnecessary. And I'm sorry, but I can't suspend belief that much to accept that women who were raised with strict religious beliefs about the reasons behind wearing hijabs & jilbab's would just strip them off to show some random Western women their clothes. I'm sure the Muslim community is going to have some concerns about that.
-Awkward pauses between the girls, and some awkward dialogue.
-Her crown in the wedding scenes was flat out awful, and SJP is really showing her age.

Pros:
-Mr. Big actually GREW UP. I am not a big fan of the guy. I always thought Carrie deserved better than some selfish, egocentric ass, but it was really nice to see him accepting her (FINALLY) and all her quirks and them together, being happy.
-Some really, really REALLY good one liners. Especially Charlotte - the cocktail scene was PRICELESS.
-Kim Cattrall was comedy gold. She really carried the movie. Her portrayal of a 52 year old woman going through menopause (unwillingly!) was awesome.
-The fashion, of course.
-Liza Minnelli & the whole wedding part. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Overall, I would say they did a really good job - but I think they've reached the end of the story. Any other movies would be overkill. I'm seeing it again on Tuesday with another girlfriend, and I would definitely buy the DVD to re-watch.

If you've seen it, what are your thoughts on it? If you plan on seeing it, does my review change your mind or are you going to see it just because its Sex & The City?

so COOL!!

My friend won 2 tickets to see Sex & The City 2 tonight and invited ME!!



That means I get to see it a full day before the general population - am STOKED.


Gotta run!

over protective?

My sister is stressing me out. She met this guy 2 months ago and has been dating him for less than a month - 2-3 weeks or so.


Except her idea of "date" is to move her dog & cat in there and spend every.single.waking.moment of the day at his place with him. That's not dating. That's something else entirely. It creeps me out.


And this is her MO on relationships. She's had two that have both evolved into living together situations and lasted - one for 2 years & one for 5-6 months.


She's twenty. True, she turns 21 next month, but still. She's a BABY. Why can't she be independent? WHAT is she so afraid of?


Keith & Harry tell me I can't 'play mother' all the time and to just relax. She's my baby sister! I am SO scared she's going to mess up somewhere and then be stuck, major big time.


There is just so much wrong with this situation that I'm finding it hard to put what I feel into words. It's skeevy. Totally skeevy. And I know she's technically an adult and can make her own decisions and yadda yadda, but SHE IS MY SISTER, goddamn it. I don't want her getting hurt, or trapped, or limiting herself because of some stupid guy.


I guess what I need is for someone to hold my hand and please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way. Could you, if its not too much trouble?

two-four

"The 24 of May is the Queen's Birthday.

If we don't get a holiday, we'll all run away!!"

stupid commericals

1) When Bounty claims their 'select-a-size' sheets are environmentally friendly. Are there actually people that stupid? Surely, people with half a brain realize that buying actual cloth dishrags and, I don't know, washing them, is actually environmentally friendly? Jeesh. Thanks bounty, for insulting my intelligence - I think I shall buy another brand.

2) The Lysol "no-touch soap dispenser" - WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT AFTER YOU TOUCH THE SOAP?
Think about it.

crushed

Hate having to say this next sentence.

I didn't get into Carleton.

My GPA ended up being only a 2.80.

I'll revisit University in a year or so. Or maybe if we can afford it this year (since now I have to earnestly look for a job come August), I'll do some part-time study.

Right now, though, I'm going to go lay in bed and mope at how much of a failure I am.

big girl now

I had a job interview today.

me? job interview? say again?

I know, right?

I have had a few offers of interviews since finishing school. I would say about 5 or 6 - not many, but a steady amount. Of course, as soon as I disclose the information that I need time off this summer to the tune of up to 4 weeks, pretty much all the employers back off.

Which, of course, I totally understand. But this firm said it wasn't really a deal-breaker for them! I was as flabbergasted as you are, I'm sure. Of course, they were quick to point out that the time off would be unpaid - not a biggie because I assumed as such. I also said that after the first 2 weeks, I could be super flexible in how I work - whether that be from home, few days a week, etc.

It seems like a really jam-packed job. It's 40 hours a week in a small family law firm (2 lawyers, 1 assistant) which deals mainly in child custody cases and Children's Aid. As a result, they're in court a lot, so there's lots of filing and tight deadlines to adhere to. Yikes!

I can never tell how an interview is going. Does anyone know how to tell? In any case, I should find out by the beginning of June. Although honestly, I'm not stressing over it at all, which is a nice change.

Um, no. Just, no.

Yesterday Keith & I were laying in bed after finishing a bowl of frozen yogurt.

He turns to me, "Okay! Face down ass up!"

He adds, "That's my foreplay for the day."

"Oh sweetie. Let me show you how well that's going to work."

I turned over and immediately started to snore.

Stasis

I'm in the biggest holding pattern right now.

It'll take Carleton 4-6 weeks to make a decision.
My actual grad date (which I haven't yet decided to go to) is about 5 weeks away.
I'm not looking for employment, because there is absolutely no point. Nobody will hire someone who needs to take up to a month off less than 3 months after they're hired.
Surgery is just over 8 weeks away.
The bloodwork & the start of the educational classes are 4 weeks away.

I have NEVER wanted time to pass more quickly than I do right now.

#1 Rule

While my surgery date is still a bit away (2 months 2 weeks 2 days!!), I'm trying to incorporate certain habits that I'll have to do 100% post-op. One of the hardest things I'm doing is incorporating the no drinking rule : for 30 minutes before a meal and at least 45 minutes after, I am not allowed to drink any liquids. If I do, I totally override what my pouch is supposed to do - which is to remain full long enough so that the nerve endings in that part of the stomach have a chance to send repeated signals to the brain that it's full.

See this impressive video for why this is so incredibly important for WLS patients to not drink before, during, or after meals:



I know for myself it's going to take a lot of mental awareness to get myself used to not drinking with my meals and I might have to forgo the pepper for awhile, but oh man, it's so worth it after watching this!