Why do these things exist? WHY?

Cleaning out the second bedroom has yielded some treasures, let me tell you.

Treasures like this book;

Why! That sounds promising, let's just open it up and take a gander, shall we?

Cripes! First off, who's bright idea was it to stick random roses on that girls dress? Did they think it would make it look better??! And secondly, ANYONE who makes someone wear something that hideous to be a part of their wedding party SHOULD BE SHOT. No questions asked. Seriously. That is the mother of all butt-bows, that is. Yuech.

And then there's this gem:

Seriously, Keith? SERIOUSLY? I can't believe you spent money on this. And if you got it for free, I'd re-think your friendship with them. Whoever gave it to you needs their lobotomy reversed.

But the best one is a board game (and I use that term very, very, very loosely here) called French Kiss. Check what's written on the back:

Be prepared for the sexual act? Your sexuality will be in extasy? What.The.Hell?? First off, ecstasy is spelled wrong, and um, be prepared for the sexual act??? I'm surprised the game didn't come with a sheath of condoms.

And then you open the baby up, and WOW, IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON! Nice celebrity endorsement there, although anything endorsed by him should have normal people running for the hills, in my opinion. And he's next to an .... ostrich?! Wha? What do ostriches have to with ANY part of the "sexual act"? Unless you're into that sort of thing, and in that case I think you should be looking in the yellow pages for a licensed therapist, not playing an "erotic" boardgame. Just sayin'.

And I don't know about you guys, but a random coloured strip of practically naked baby cherubs dancing around does NOT do it for me. What a horribly inappropriate thing to have on something like this!! WHAT CRACK ARE THESE GAME DESIGNERS SMOKING???

Needless to say, all the items mentioned above WILL be donated to poor unlucky Value Village sometime in the near future. Even if Keith wants to keep them. There is absolutely no effing way I am having them in the house. NO EFFING WAY.