Tuesday, March 15, 2011

t-shirt time

day 6 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

I only hope that 'interesting' is a subjective term.
  • I don't get the Glee hype. Still watch it though.
  • I'm not enjoying wedding planning as much as I thought I would. Tonight I finally decided to not even bother with coloured linens (our venue provides floor length white linens & white chair covers). I'm only having chair sashes. It was such a liberating feeling.
  • I did my measurements today and I'm squarely between a size 14/16. Of course every store has different sizing, but hey. I'm going with it!
  • I also fiiinnnnaaaalllly broke my stall and lost a pound.
  • I don't know what the heck to study for my degree. I can either stick with Law, or switch it to History or English. I have to decide by end of second year. My minor is firmly set though: Jewish Studies.
  • Salt is the best seasoning ever. Especially sea salt.
  • I am not Jewish.
  • I set a goal to work out every day during Lent.
  • I like Twitter so much more than Facebook.
  • I love Yankee Candles. "Autumn Leaves" is my favourite scent.
  • Hate doing the dishes. Keith does more than his fair share.
  • Every morning I wake up to the following text from Keith: "Good morning sexy. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. You have a great day."
  • Sometimes I wake up to something along these lines: "It's time to open those big blue eyes and have an awesome day.Love you."
  • When I think about it, it absolutely blows my mind that I started dating Keith at age twenty.
  • It also blows my mind that I'm twenty-four. Last time I checked, I was just turning twenty-one.
  • I want to do a Masters Degree someday, but I'm in no hurry. After 4 years of college & 4 years of University, I'm DUN.
  • I watch an extraordinary amount of trashy TV. The Teen Mom/16 & Pregnant franchise and Jersey Shore come to mind.
  • Keith actually likes Jersey Shore more than I do. It's really annoying.
  • I love Rick Mercer, especially his rants. They always make SUCH. PERFECT. SENSE.
  • I hate US-Canada shipping rates more than I hate winter. Which is a lot.
  • I don't talk about religion a lot, except to debate it. Tat didn't even know I was baptized at age 16 until this week.
  • I could easily go to a movie every week. I don't though.
  • There are a lot of sentences starting with "I" in this post.
  • I really want one of those one pound chocolate bunnies from Wal-Mart they sell 2.50$. No go, unfortunately. I also don't want to puke after.
  • My ring size went from an eleven to a nine. I'm hoping by the time we go design our bands (end of May) I'll be down to an eight.
  • My ring also desperately needs a cleaning. Any suggestions for a cleaner for gemstones?
  • I'm so sick of the following people: Taylor Swift, Stephen Harper, Charlie Sheen, Justin Bieber, Lady GaGa, Nicki Minaj, Drake and Katy Perry.
  • I love Pink. Have for years. She just keeps getting better and better. I also really like The Band Perry.
  • I totally give Molly my leftovers.
  • I'm probably going to need a brachioplasty, tummy tuck, thigh lift and breast augmentation, plus probably more that I haven't even thought of. I don't really care if I ever get them. Except for the brachioplasty. That's a must have.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Here goes...

day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life.

I'm pretty sure I have S.A.D.

I say S.A.D rather than depression because it definitely follows a seasonal pattern, and has for years. If I notice a change when spring (finally) gets here, I will be seeking professional help. In the past, I always thought I was just depressed, never realizing the link between the arrival of warmer weather and the disappearance of symptoms until recently.

In hindsight, this has been going on since my first winter in Ottawa. Prior to that, I was swimming competitively all winter, and since one of the ways to treat S.A.D is regular physical ex cerise, it's quite possible I was 'treating' it without realizing I even had it. When I moved to Ottawa, I stopped being active, and the symptoms were definitely present, only to resolve themselves come spring. I didn't know about S.A.D at the time, plus there were so many external factors going on I attributed my feelings to those factors, and failed to make the connection. It's only been in the last couple of years I've known about S.A.D as a possibility, and then it took a while until I realized a link - and, even though my life is amazing and wonderfully privileged now, the symptoms haven't gone away.

Symptoms of S.A.D.
change in appetite, in particular a craving for sweet or starchy foods
weight gain
decreased energy
tendency to oversleep
difficulty concentrating
avoidance of social situations
feelings of anxiety and despair

I've bolded all the ones I've noticed I experience over the winter months. Which is all of them. I think it's time to get some help?

I decided this would be my 'test' winter, since S.A.D is usually diagnosed when "symptoms that recur for at least 2 consecutive winters, without any other explanation for the changes in mood and behaviour". This is my 2nd winter that there has been no other explanation, and I'm just tired of fucking up my life every November to April. Everything is affected: I have wonky sleep patterns. I don't go to school. I don't want to step outside my house, and I can go days without doing so. I can sleep up to 12 to 16 hours a day. For the eating, I've definitely noticed - even with surgery, and trust me, I went from July to December without giving a second thought to starchy/sweet foods - that I've started craving them. Hardcore. I have yet to see if these cravings will disappear in the spring, but I'm guessing they will.

And then I'm just anxious, irritable, and just...I feel overwhelming sadness all the time.

I just wanted to point out that I've never actually wanted to die. I've wanted to stop being so sad. I've wanted to stop thinking about it. I've wanted to literally take off the top of my head and pluck out the pieces of the dark cloud that my brain is infected with. I wanted it to just. fucking. stop.

My attempts haven't really been attempts at all, really, if I'm looking at it honestly. A few incidents of taking pills, drug and alcohol abuse, a cutting episode when I was (much) younger. I know suicide isn't an option, especially now.

Like I said, I don't actually want to die. I just want the dark cloud in my head to go away.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Golden Rule

day 4 - your views on religion

Organized religion = cult.
Only with more funding.

That's my own, personal, cynical view on the whole issue. (I personally identify as lapsed Catholic).

However, saying that, I do realize that people need to believe in something, whether that be the God, Jesus Christ, or magical fairy elves. And if you believe - all the power to you. That being said, one religion is NOT more "right" than another. They are all equal; whatever you call your God, He is the same person.

I personally separate the issue of religion and God. In my mind, there is no doubt there is something higher out there, and all the scientific methods used to 'disprove' this existence can't do that.

But do I believe that if I don't confess my sins every Sunday or give a tenth of my earnings to the Church I'm going to hell? Not so much. I'm also pretty skeptical about the whole Jesus issue, and like to look at all religion from a historical viewpoint.

What are your views on the subject?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

please enjoy responsibly

day 3 - your views on drugs and alcohol.

Oh Jesus Mary on a stick. Bear with me here.

I am NOT trying to glorify drug and alcohol use. I know - as a former addict, thanks - the devastating effects of addiction. (And yes, I firmly believe that addiction = disease).

Drugs and alcohol? They're frickin fun. I mean, the experience itself is. I see nothing wrong in occasional recreational use, provided that three criteria are satisfied:

a) you know your limit
b) you're educated/informed about the drink/drug you're about to do, and where to go if something happens, and how to recognize the signs IF something DOES go wrong.
and I can't stress this enough:
c) you do it SAFELY.

So. My views on the subject rest mainly on personal responsibility, education and safe use.
There's no Nancy Reagan campaign going on over here.


Day 2 - where you’d like to be in 10 years

I definitely have a vision of where I'd like to be in ten years.

In ten years, I'll be thirty four. I'd like to be gainfully employed and using my degree. I'd like to be financially secure. I'd like to have the same friends I have now. I'd like to be physically fit and healthy. I'd like to either own my own home, or be close to it. I'd like to have some [more] international travel under my belt. I'd like to be happy, in love, and content with my life.

But, most of all, I'd like to be a mom. A little boy running around with Keith's gorgeous green eyes and blonde hair? A little girl in love with sparklies and tutu's, who loves her nightly bedtime story with Mama and thinks her Daddy is the best guy in the world? I die.

This vision of myself at thirty-four is by no means extraordinary, but oh. In some ways, it's the most extraordinary vision in the world.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I got this idea I'm blatantly stealing this from one of my favourite blogs - Mary Beth over at Snare the World in Words. Basically it's a 30 questions in 30 days challenge with some pretty interesting questions (we all know how the last one went, so lets see if I can do better!) If you want to play along, find the daily prompts here.

Day 1 - your current relationship; if single discuss how single life is.

Since this entire blog is about our relationship, I'm finding it hard to say anything I haven't said before. And when I think about describing it, all that comes to mind is the tired old cliche that relationships are work. Sometimes not very hard work at all, mind you, but still work.

I don't really know what to add - we love each other, we're committed to each other, and we're supportive of each other. That's it. And it's everything.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

7 months

Time for a reality check! Actually this list could go either way; it can either stress me out or calm me. Any bets as to which one it'll do?

Done/in process:
- Venue
- Officiant
- Baker
- Bridal party chosen, dress picked out
- Florist
- Photographer
- Tat offered to do my hair & makeup for the day. YES PLEASE.

Next steps:
- Invites (design and DIY)
- Keith asking his side!! GAH GET ON THAT ALREADY.
- Decor (buy centerpieces, linens/chair sashes, orange pom-pom napkin rings I'm DIYing)
- Rings
- Decide whether I want to apply to blog for weddingbee.

Not even thinking about (or don't WANT to):
- Dress/overall look (other than an orange bolero) for myself.
- Attire for the men.
- Marriage license - this is only in this category because it's only good for 3 months, so we won't be getting it until August at the earliest.
- Music situation
- Bridal shower/bachelorette (which I'm going to combine into one)
- Hotel
- Timeline of the day, other than the ceremony time: 2:30pm.

Honestly, I think we're fine for being 7 months out. Other than the dress thing, but I have my own personal reasons (and a plan) for that aspect.

What do you think?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

ABC's of me

I totally stole this from Amber over at Girl with The Red Hair. Why? Because its fun. And I'm sick of breathing/thinking/talking about the wedding 24/7.
Age: 24
Bed size: Queen. It's heavenly. We used to have a double, and a queen is just so.much.better.
Chore you dislike: Vacuuming and dishes. Vacuuming because I have a black dog and a biege carpet. And dishes because ITS NEVER ENDING.
Dogs: 3 year old black lab mix, otherwise known as the cutest thing ever. Or Molly, if you really want to know.
Essential start to your day: A drink of some sort (usually Crystal Light) and a smoke. And twitter.
Favorite color: Orange! and yellow.
Gold or silver: White gold. Definitely!
Height: Somewhere between 5″4 and 5″5
Instruments you play(ed): Violin, trumpet, a BIT of piano.
Job title: Student. I also manage all the bills, housework and social life of this house.
Kids: Um...Can I confess something? I HAVE BABY FEVER SO FRICKING BAD. Except then I think of all the actual work that goes into having kids, and it goes away. A bit. Plus we can't afford one just yet, and we are in total agreement that not married = no kids.
Live: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.
Mom’s name: "I-will-kill-you-if-you-ever-put-my-name-out-there-on-the-internet". Or "Mom" for short.
Nicknames: Sarsee, Pooky.
Overnight hospital stays: Appendix burst when I was 12, RnY surgery at 23.
Pet peeve: Justin Bieber. Those new Conservative party ads. I can't believe people watch those and don't scream at their TV (or worse, believe them). I also have seeeerious road rage. Slow/bad drivers take the cake. Also? TURNING SIGNALS ARE NOT AN OPTIONAL FEATURE. USE EM.
Quote from a movie: "You mistake me, my dear. I have the utmost respect for your nerves. They've been my constant companion these twenty years."
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Siblings: Older brother, younger sister.
Time you wake up: What time did I go to bed?
Underwear: Why yes, I wear them. Thanks for asking. Rude.
Vegetables you don’t like: Onions and mushrooms. Deeeesgusting.
What makes you run late: Smoking, traffic.
X-Rays you’ve had: Lungs for my appendix, teeth.
Yummy food you make: Banana bread.
Zoo animal favorite: Tiger, polar bear and elephant.