Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Why WLS?

I'm 23. I've been this way for at least 10 years; nearly half my life. And lately all I seem to be doing is getting bigger.

I can't excerise because I can't breathe properly anymore. Climbing a flight of stairs is next to impossible & the words "brisk walk" send shivers down my spine. I'm sick of starving myself to lose a pound, only to gain it back the next second. The will power isn't there. I slip because I can. I sneak because I can. I need something where I can't slip, I can't cheat. I have to be true to myself.

I want kids. Someday. And I know I will never get the weight off long enough to get there. This is vanity, but I really don't want to be a fat bride. I don't want to hate the photos of what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I've noticed there are no pictures of me from the last 2 years - I don't want any pictures taken of me. I never look in a full length mirror. My body? What body? I can only look at myself from the shoulders up.

If I stay like this, I know my chances of getting a job once I graduate from University are pretty slim when I'm like this. I feel like everyone just looks at me and doesn't realize how great of a person I am because the fat is standing in the way. I feel judged when I eat in public. The list just goes on & on.

Not to mention - my MIL was a large woman. She passed away this past October from a heart attack. She was 64 - and I don't want that to happen to me, ever. I miss her a lot and I wonder now if it needed to happen - I doubt she knew OHIP would pay for WLS. I didn't know until this March, but I had been thinking of it for a couple of years; just knew it would be a really long time before I could afford it.

These are my reasons for doing this. Two weeks to go!


Britt said...

Getting so close now!

Heather said...

Somehow I've managed to have this window open three times without meaning to so clearly I'm meant to comment lol. I close it and then find it in another window, close it, find it open in another window!

I think every reason there is a fair and validated reason to go through with the WLS. You're young enough that this could make a real difference to your longevity (sp?).

So close now!!!

lawschoolwife said...

Hi, Sarah! I read through some of your older posts and saw you have to have an EKG before your procedure? Maybe you've already had it by now, but if you haven't, let me tell you they are NO BIG DEAL! It's by far the least threatening test I've had done :)

I'm 23 and can't exercise much because of my heart. I, too, get winded just going up two flights of stairs because my heart rate shoots up through the roof (it beats too fast all the time, and gets especially bad during exercise). I want to be doing more, but I've had to give up until I can see my cardiologist again in October. Boo! You are going to LOVE feeling yourself get better, little by little, one flight of stairs at a time :)

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

My coworker just did this, and you know, she's so happy! I think you have to do what is best for you. I have absolutely no will power and struggle exercising -- and our bodies react in different ways. I think it is a personal decision that you're doing to stay healthy and live longer with your husband - what a good thing!