Thursday, August 19, 2010

Thoughts on guilt & milestones times two

Can I just say this summer has lasted forever? I wrote my final exams in April. I will be more than happy to go back to school come September, if for nothing else than to have something other to talk about than my weight.

Speaking of the subject: My weight starts with a new number now (that happened Tuesday). And today, I hit fifty pounds lost (fifty one, actually).

Fifty one pounds in a month. Fifty one pounds in a month. That's insane.

When I see that number, yes it's a great deal of weight to lose. For most people. For me? It's just one quarter of what I have to lose. I feel like I don't deserve it, because it's pretty easy at this point. I feel no temptation for junk or sweets. I don't have to "struggle" with food choices or portion sizes, because my pouch determines that for me.

I don't know what exactly my point is, or if I have one, it's just - I guess I'm used to feeling guilty. Guilty over being fat. Guilty over not being able to make good food choices; guilty for having to struggle all the time. Now I feel guilty because I don't have to do that anymore. I've internalized the mantra that weight loss is hard.

And while I will probably say it is at various points in this journey - right now, I want to remember that it wasn't, not especially. And that it's okay for it not to be.


Leah said...

Thank for this honest and inspiring post.
I'm rooting for you all the way. You're doing amazingly.

Jess said...

Yay! The guilt will abate, I swear. And weight loss is hard, usually, but it's not as hard for everyone as it always has been for us. And this will be challenging in its own ways, but in more of the realm of "normal amounts of challenging" vs. "completely impossible."

Enjoy! And congrats!

Amy said...

You are doing fantastic. And you hit 50 pounds lost--you can buy the bird necklace now! :)

Rebekah said...

Dont feel guilty. You are doing wonderful. For us it takes a little more work to loose weight then it might for someone else. But in the end we will be stronger. Love ya girl!!