Thursday, April 29, 2010

Open letter

I honestly do not know what to say to you at this point. It has become very apparent to me that you have a bias against obese people and are full of judgment while thinking that the only tool to managing weight loss is to put down the fork.

It has also become very apparent that you have done absolutely no research on the subject of morbid obesity, and the ineffectiveness of the method you believe works for everyone. It is painfully obvious you also have done no research on weight loss surgery - and you are not open to learning about it. Your ignorance is mind boggling.

You have brought up my weight literally every time you speak to me for the majority of my adolescence and early adult years; causing significant psychological damage and then wonder why I 'fly into a rage' whenever it is mentioned. It is an heart shattering thing to realize that you would love me more if I just lost the weight.

You seem to be under the impression that this decision to have surgery was decided very quickly; you couldn't be more wrong. I have been thinking of it for years; I just didn't know I could afford it.

And, once again, I find it mind blowing that you can't even be bothered to do your research on it (even as something as simple and fundamental as what they ACTUALLY DO).

Perhaps its better that we no longer talk for the next 18 months or so. I don't need your negativity. I don't need you telling me what I need to do for my health and life. You actually have NO IDEA what I go through on a daily basis, and I do not need such a negative and ignorant person in my life at this point.

From now on I will not be answering your phone calls, or your emails, unless it is an emergency. I have tried, and now I cannot try anymore.

I'm sorry.

Although I have a feeling not as sorry as you'll be.


Jess said...

I can so, so relate to this. Luckily nobody in my family acted like this to this degree, though my mom was opposed and did make a few comments about how I was too young to have really exhausted every other option and dedicated myself to every other diet, and refused to understand the basic premise which is that the enormous sample of diets that I had tried and failed at made me want to break the cycle of constantly punishing myself over food. But she came around and has been very supportive since then.

Really the most frustration I encountered was with my blog readers. The vast vast majority of them were super supportive as well, but there were a select few that Just. Freaking. REFUSED. to get the point no matter how many different ways I explained it. I wrote several posts on the topic and even at the end there were still some people who were like, "Um, have you tried eating less? And maybe exercising more?" I wanted to throttle them, and I don't even know them in real life. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this from within your own family. But so glad that you know you're making the right choice and are moving ahead with it anyway.

Cathy said...

I'm sorry it's come to that, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. My mom and I don't speak to a group of our family members - the details are different from your situation, but the underlying reasons are quite similar. ((Hugs))

Rebekah said...

Is this about your mom? Oh goodness! Im so sorry that she makes you feel that way. I dont think anyone can understand being overweight unless they have BEEN overweight. I count my being overweight as a blessing (although I am trying to loose) because it will help me to relate better to more people. It will help me TRULY understand what people go through. This is a very bold letter, but a brave one.