Tuesday, May 25, 2010

over protective?

My sister is stressing me out. She met this guy 2 months ago and has been dating him for less than a month - 2-3 weeks or so.

Except her idea of "date" is to move her dog & cat in there and spend every.single.waking.moment of the day at his place with him. That's not dating. That's something else entirely. It creeps me out.

And this is her MO on relationships. She's had two that have both evolved into living together situations and lasted - one for 2 years & one for 5-6 months.

She's twenty. True, she turns 21 next month, but still. She's a BABY. Why can't she be independent? WHAT is she so afraid of?

Keith & Harry tell me I can't 'play mother' all the time and to just relax. She's my baby sister! I am SO scared she's going to mess up somewhere and then be stuck, major big time.

There is just so much wrong with this situation that I'm finding it hard to put what I feel into words. It's skeevy. Totally skeevy. And I know she's technically an adult and can make her own decisions and yadda yadda, but SHE IS MY SISTER, goddamn it. I don't want her getting hurt, or trapped, or limiting herself because of some stupid guy.

I guess what I need is for someone to hold my hand and please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way. Could you, if its not too much trouble?


Heather said...

I think I want more info to base a decision on...Have you met the guy yet (if so, what did your gut instinct say)? Is he of a similar age to her? Can she see the pattern herself and if not, can you talk to her about it?

Britt said...

I dunno. I always go back and think about what I thought/felt/was doing at the time. My little sister is 16 and I think she's making better choices than me right now. I might not like certain aspects of her life, but she'll figure it out on her own, not by me telling her what to do. Because would I have listened to my older sister in that situation - hell no.

Take a breather. You can always be there for her to pick up the pieces if it all goes awry later. That's what sisters are for.

Britt said...

Hm. Just read that through and thought I'd clarify. My sister is making better choices at 16 than I was at 16.

Hope that clears things up ;)

Jess said...

I would be worried, too, especially if this is what she always does and it hasn't worked out for her in the past. However I think it's accurate to say that this is her life and she has to make her own decisions and unless she is endangering herself, she needs to just figure this one out for herself.

I guess I see why the behavior is worrisome in terms of her personal growth and independence and the stability of her relationships but I don't exactly see why it's creepy. Unless there is something about the guy that bothers you.

Cathy said...

This one's hard because of course you want to protect her and keep her from harm... but you can't. She has to make her own decisions, learn from her mistakes, blah blah blah.

That being said, I think you do express your concern (gently as you can) but let her know that you love her. The last thing you want to do is alienate her, then she'll have one less resource/source of support if she needs it in the future.