Number Game

There's a lot swirling around in my head right now, none of it easily expressed and 95% of it depressing, so I'm just going to skip all of that and present to you -

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My week in numbers.

100 - number of cigarettes I've smoked since last Saturday.

I've been to 2 classes in the last two weeks. Out of 18. And really, I have no excuse.

$4,743.35 - bank balance as of last Friday.

$1,950.51 - bank balance as of today. (Oh yes, I can spend. There was never any doubt of that).

I've read Three Books this week.

$1,369.48 is the amount of the cheque waiting for me at school. LOVE YOU, scholarships.

($1,130.52 is the balance left in my student account for next semester).

I've knocked down the pink living room curtains twice.

Over 24 hours spent playing Dance Dance Revolution, both alone & with the roommate.

I've read two blogs from start to finish (fyi: two is one link, blogs is another).

2,822 calories burned and 30 miles jogged playing aforementioned game.

I've listened to 1, 696 1,709 songs since Sunday.

(At least) 4 - the number of times I've woken up to my kitten gently biting my nose and grooming my face. in the middle of the night, no less. but he makes up for it by being simply too cute for words. (I've never had a cat who enjoys cuddling quite so much - he doesn't always fall asleep with me, but everytime I wake up, there's a small black-and-white-fur circle next to me with a paw - or two - tucked into the crook of my arm. Without fail. It's adorable).

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Anyway, that's been my week....as for the other stuff swirling around in my head, all I will say is this - I feel....as if I'm behind (sortof?). In every single aspect of my life. Unsure. Questioning. And full of yearning for something I can never have (again). I thought I was done with all that teenaged angst nonsense!? Arrrgh!

Another thing is I have to end something I've let go on for far too long....I just can't pretend to care anymore. It's sad, and hurtful, and I should have been strong and honest with myself from the beginning, but I wasn't and now I have to deal with it....but, yeah, fyi - I'd rather stick my hand on a burning hot element, while getting my toes chopped off with a garden clipper one by one than have to do this. BLARGH! I hate it. Ugh. :-(

By the way, weird, random question: Does anyone else ever have this feeling? You're staring at the computer screen for days hours on end when suddenly your body seems to be hanging suspended off the floor, like you're on the Grav-a-Tron (only without the whirl-y-ness). And then the feeling spreads to include your computer and desk so basically you are now feeling as if you are located hanging somewhere halfway up the wall, gravity notwithstanding. It feels really weird, but since the Grav-a-Tron was my favourite ride, I enjoy it (slightly odd, I know, but then again, I'm just kindof like that). I just wish I knew what caused it. Any suggestions?

Oh, and I'm sorry for the font sizing issues this post is appearing to have. I've tried to fix it but to no avail - does anyone have any tips for fixing it? it would be greatly appreciated!