Sunday, March 9, 2008

Untitled

Today was nice; it actually started yesterday though lol. K.02 came over at 9:30 (when he was supposed to get here at 8, I was getting worried lol). One thing I'm noticing is that I play a freaking load of board games lately - last night we played Monopoly with the three of us. I get bored so easily with long games like Risk & Monopoly so I usually just give up and lose first ... blame my ADD. *hee*

That finished at 2:30am and then K.02 and I kind of decided to stay up because we had to leave at 6am for his place anyways. I love that usually we're always touching in some way, whether it be with my legs draped over his lap or his hand on my thigh, or some other random position. I don't even think we realize we're doing it which makes it all the more special.

Went over to his place, dove into bed and stayed there until I left at 2:30. We even had lunch - Swiss Chalet, YUM! (I got to satisfy my apple pie craving I've had for over a week) - in bed. ;-)

Although the real purpose of this post is to get out some of all these questions and stuff swirling around in my head. K.02 keeps mentioning the fact that I'll be the 'mother of his children' (seriously, is that just a guy thing? I would have thought it was our children, not my? but I digress) .... so ... yeah. That's huge, right?

It means so many things - it means house. It means mortgage. It means good credit. It means drivers licenses and car leases and well paying jobs. It means (at least to us) wedding. It means me quitting smoking, it means better relationships with my family, it means not swearing as much, it means a huge shifting in priorities. And, down the road a bit, it means the ultimate choice of being a stay-at-home-mom or being a workforce one (that one's a doozy). It means, I guess, in short - growing up in a very, very major way.

And I'm scared and excited and a whole bunch of other feelings I can't even identify right now. Although, at this point, school has never seemed so unimportant, and yet, its absolutely crucial if I want to have the life I want to have - not only for me, but for my (future) husband and children too.

Then, there's the whole adjustment of "I-thought-I'd-be-30-and-still-single" thought process. Because, really truly, I did think that. So to go from that to "Oh-by-the-time-I'm-30-I'll-be-married-with-a-kid-or-two" is kinda shell-shocking. I'm sure I'll adjust as the months pass and I get more comfortable with the idea of it. I hope?

And the most fustrating part of all of this is that I can't describe how I'm feeling, not really. I'm sitting here trying to and its all so intangible I can't separate the strands of thought that are sticking to my mind like candy-cotton floss. It's so unbelievably fustrating. I'm not even sure if rambling on helped, lol. *sigh.
I'll figure it out. Eventually. Right?

3 comments:

Heather said...

I think that if you think it all through a the same time, it becomes too confusing.

You've done a good thing in listing the changes you'd like to make, but I think perhaps you should list it and order it in priorities according to what you need to happen NOW(i.e. you really dont need a mortgage before the kids unless you want to so dont worry about that yet).

Two good places to start are the refocussing on school (ie future job) and the drivers licence since both may take some time to achieve but will be important in the future before a wedding or children come along. That'll happen when it's meant to so just do what needs doing now and enjoy the fact you are loved!

*hopes this doesnt sound lecturery, just wants it to be sound advice to refocus your mind*

her said...

basically my time line plan kinda goes like this - engagement this year, wedding three-four years down the road, save for mortgage/car, buy house/car, kids.

or so. I really want a house before kids...that's a definite priority to me. :)

Kamie said...

Changes are good! Its funny how things start falling into place. (and usually without a lot of worry)